life as I know it…

michl had once said a very important thing,which even i completely believe…i.e. “don’t expect anything from anybody”.but the heart doesn’t understand reason.i have been waiting like crazy to hear from michl but in vain.it’s been more than 2 weeks since i left him,but he hasn’t mailed me.all i got was a small message on his homepage.not fair…
i just wish that i was not so emotional and that i could easily move on,but can’t help the way i am.gotta do the best with whatever i have got.

today…feeling a bit spiritualistic.
was discussing the whole ‘whether there is god or not’ thingy with a friend during the day and with another at night.reminded me of that discussion i had with michl on his balcony about the same issue….
he had said,…’i fail to agree with the whole notion that there is somebody controlling my life.it’s me and only me who has the right to do so.i believe i’m strong enough to make my own decisions and be responsible for them’ (no comments from my side)…
.and then he asked for my opinion.well,i’m not sure if i believe in god.i mean if u believe that there is god,then you’ve gotta believe in its opposite too.everything in the world exists in opposite pairs after all.and if u do believe in both it implies that you are giving the god credit for all good things and holding satan responsible for all bad things.isn’t it a sign of being a coward?of not accepting responsibility for your own actions?…i don’t know if this is the rigt way to think but i can’t think otherwise….
i think everyone needs something to believe in.those who don’t have a strong social support find solace in religion.maybe michl is strong enough not to need such a support but it’s not easy for everybody to believe in themselves.then they do need DIVINE INTERVENTION.if it’s helping someone by giving them hope for life,what’s wrong.
all of us are entitled to our own beliefs……

i didn’t expect it to be so hard to get used to my “normal life” again…i have been attending classes (well..most of them) but m unable to concentrate…i have been making some notes but they are incomprehensible…i have been staying in my hostel but not really living here…i have been chatting with my friends but not really talking to all of them……..god!when will i finally ‘come back to india’?????my friends say that i am not trying .is it so?….don’t know…..

meanwhile my btp has started and uptil now it has been peaceful.don’t know for how long though.submitted the first report today.ok types.there is so much to cover even in the courses which i just hate to study.sometimes i just feel like leaving it all and go on a tour.just anywhere…
wish life was simpler.

PS…a thought…it’s very simple to be happy..but why is it so difficult to be simple???

i m bk hm now…trying to re-adjust to the life here.trying to come to terms with the fact that i have left so many people behind,most of whom i’ll never meet again.
sometimes,i wish one could stay with the people he meets for life.wish one didn’t have to leave anyone behind.but then,i think that if this were so,life would lose its meaning.there would be a stagnation.it’s the people we meet & our interactions with them that give shape to our life and make it what it is…life’s complicated.
i miss many of the frds i met at various points in my life.i don’t know how many of them i’ll be able to meet again.even if i meet some of them,would seeing them again be the same as before???…i don’t think so.it won’t be the same environment,not the same emotions not even the same people.i mean how can u recreate the same atmosphere…
whatever it is…these days i m getting too philosophical it seems.trying to understand the complex phenomena that is life.perhaps it’s better to just take it the way it comes & go with the flow………….

the weekend was approaching & both the doc & michl were planning to go to munich.i was upset that i wont be able to meet any of them before leaving.but returned home in the evening to find michl at his aptt.but he didnt answer the phone when i called or open the door when i knocked.i was disheartened…shattered. but later, sometime around midnight he himself called me over to his apartment.
it was a night quite emotional.i was leaving the place in less than 24 hours, maybe never to come back again.i hate to admit it but could not stop myself from crying,which is not usual for me.it was my last time with michl at his aptt after all.he made it worse by saying such things that were so honest & yet so simple that it really moved me.we kept talking till early in the morning,around 8am i guess.it was one of the best times i’d had in the last 3 months, if you neglect the embarassing deeds of a fellow indian.
the next day michl dropped me at the station,where the doc joined us coming straight from munich.it was so hard to say goodbye.i didn’t have anything to look forward to with them in near future.i am hoping they will come to india soon or i’ll earn enough money to make another europe tour & see them again……..amen!

i hv been in germany for close to 11 weeks & now it’s time to go back…can hardly wait.
i always bitch about india & delhi & my insti & my hostel,but at the end of the day this is whr i want to come home to.the ppl(can never find nebody as frdly & social as indians….we rock!!!),the hot n spicy food,the jampacked roads ,the traffic jams,the bhaag daud,the shor sharaba,the bollywood masala movies. now i even miss the summers ….miss u india….miss u delhi….miss u insti…miss u hostel…sigh ….family & friends go without saying ofcourse.

but on the other hand,m sad abt leaving behind so many frds,esp michl.never met a guy like him b4.will miss the good times spent on his balcony,the long chats,the way he tries to explain words tht he doesn’t know in english..can never 4get the way he explained “responsibility” or “cancer” or “expectation”.will miss u man…hope to meet u someday,sometime,some place later in life.

JUHU!!!…as michl wud say it…..i have finally created a blog coming over all the procrastination and laziness…
but i m not sure when the next bout of sloth will take me over and i might discontine posting…
we’ll see…till then happy blogging to me…hehe

the posts here won’t be in the chronological order of the events in my life.i’ll just jot them down as & when they come to my mind,when my mind is not busy in the more relevant pursuit of thinking about stuff like how to design a perfect heat exchanger or an efficient condensor,that is…

PS:im in germany now,sitting in my office,supposed to prepare a report n this is german time..