life as I know it…

the final year at college is drawing to a close and it’s about time to leave. how am i feeling???…..well nothing as of yet. maybe because of so many other things that have been going on around me……extension of BTP….mysterious change in gap’s behaviour…sudden realisation that i still haven’t found flatmates….an unexpected long silence from people in Germany(all of Britta,Markus, Tassilo and Michl)….the extremely high weight of guilt due to Nainital trip….etc etc…
but sometimes when we sit together and discuss how will life be after we step out of here and step into the real world, i get scared. not because i dont find myself capable of handling any kind of challenges,but because i worry that we won’t be able to maintain as good a friendship as we have now………ok so we have decided that we’ll take a vacation together every year and be in touch but i’m not sure if everyone is really going to do that.
watching ‘Dil Chahta Hai’ yesterday deepened this worry…as it is, not all of us friends would be living in the same state,leave alone the city. perhaps we’ll find a new group at our new workplace or at home and life will go on as ever. we’ve been doing this all our life,haven’t we?
first we left behind kindergarten friends,then high school,then secondary school,maybe now it’s turn to leave college friends behind.

human nature is so strangely unique.our perception of the reality sometimes makes us see a distorted picture and we end up thinking of it as real. e.g. in a relationship between two individuals, both of them are obviously not committed to the same degree and the law of averages comes into picture. the problem arises when one ends up having higher expectations out of the relationship and is thus disappointed at times when those expectations are not met.

when you care for someone you automatically assume that the other person also cares that much about you. it's hard to come to terms with the fact that his aspirations could be any lesser. a small incident sometime ago made me realise this…

it was after the mid-sem break when all of us were meeting for the first time after five days at home. i was at gap's room discussing how we spent the time at home, when one of her friends called and she had to go to meet him. she picked up a box of what looked like sweets and was going out when i asked her what it was. she then told me that it's 'shrikhand' that she had brought from home for her that friend i didn't mind her going to meet him leaving me stranded,because i have got used to this by now. but what hurt me was her giving preference to her that friend. even after mentioning about the 'shrikhand' i didn't get to even have a look at it forget about having a bite.

initially i was quite upset, but then it dawned on me that maybe that's how it is supposed to be. if i give her a high place amongst my friends it doesn't mean that she has to do the same. she is entitled to choose her own 'circle of trust'.

the shrikhand has left a sour taste in my mouth and i'm having hard time digesting it (even though i didn't get to get even as much as a bite).