grapes are sour…and so is shrikhand

human nature is so strangely unique.our perception of the reality sometimes makes us see a distorted picture and we end up thinking of it as real. e.g. in a relationship between two individuals, both of them are obviously not committed to the same degree and the law of averages comes into picture. the problem arises when one ends up having higher expectations out of the relationship and is thus disappointed at times when those expectations are not met.

when you care for someone you automatically assume that the other person also cares that much about you. it's hard to come to terms with the fact that his aspirations could be any lesser. a small incident sometime ago made me realise this…

it was after the mid-sem break when all of us were meeting for the first time after five days at home. i was at gap's room discussing how we spent the time at home, when one of her friends called and she had to go to meet him. she picked up a box of what looked like sweets and was going out when i asked her what it was. she then told me that it's 'shrikhand' that she had brought from home for her that friend i didn't mind her going to meet him leaving me stranded,because i have got used to this by now. but what hurt me was her giving preference to her that friend. even after mentioning about the 'shrikhand' i didn't get to even have a look at it forget about having a bite.

initially i was quite upset, but then it dawned on me that maybe that's how it is supposed to be. if i give her a high place amongst my friends it doesn't mean that she has to do the same. she is entitled to choose her own 'circle of trust'.

the shrikhand has left a sour taste in my mouth and i'm having hard time digesting it (even though i didn't get to get even as much as a bite).

 

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King Kong

its amazing what brand name can do to the marketability of your product.attach a superb brand name with a mediocre product and watch it still sell like hot cakes.take the case of the movie ‘King Kong’ for example.

it’s at best a mediocre movie with the name of ‘The’ Peter Jackson to go with it and voila! it’s a runaway hit. people throng to the theatres like nails to magnet.seriously, i fail to understand what is so great about the movie. taken, that the original was a classic and jackson is a gifted director but the movie hasn’t come out to expectations…atleast mine.

for starters, it’s so slow paced that by the time the story actually begins to roll, i was waiting for it to get over soon. then, there is so much of focus on displaying the prowess of their technical supremacy that the emotions have been kind of taken a backseat.you come out of the hall and you talk about the special effects in place of acting et al…..but the worst part was the unnecessary bloodshed. what should have been a heart warming story of a beast falling for a beautiful damsel was reduced to a gory tale of a group’s adventure into a deadly island.they have put in every kind of barbarism imaginable from aboriginal tribals to dinosaurs to filthy creepy crawlies to huge ugly flying beasts.so while our damsel in distress is busy with the mighty ape, her friends are having quite a time battling with all kinds of dangers, many of them losing their lives in the process.

what i found lacking was the chmistry between the lady and King Kong.you may say how cute King Kong looked etc.,but that’s about it.he’s cute that’s it. they hardly spend any time together so it hardly seems convincing that the beast would go to such lengths for the girl he loves.the role of the heroine’s love interest was reduced to nothing more than an extra. we have wasted an actor of the calibre of adrein brody here.

in the end,what else can i say but …thank god i didn’t waste my money and time in watching the movie in a cinema hall. it was worth my PC screen only.

 

so here comes the realisation that i was referring to in my previous post………

i have been getting this feeling for some time now that i’ll fall for a foreigner. ever since i have returned from my brief stint in germany, i am finding it hard to like any indian guy as much as i liked the european guys that i met there. i guess it has more to do with my liking towards europeans than my disliking of indian guys. another factor could be the accessability or availability.few indians are as open, frank and honest as the europeans.maybe it’s the novelity of them that has attracted me for a while,maybe it’s a short-lived phase only, but while it’s here it’s very much there.

i always had a soft corner for foreigners, ever since i was about 7 when i met any of them for the first time. but unlike now,previously this soft corner was over-ridden by a small voice in my head which said, ‘achha hai to kya hua,firangi hai’. now that small voice has completely gone mute. now one thing is for sure- if i ever go abroad again, i won’t go single.because if i do, i don’t think i’ll come back alone.

 

the firang invasion

what a day it was today…like a whiff of fresh air, to break the monotony that my life had become.for a long time now all i had been doing was attending the same old classes, going to the same old btp lab, meeting up and chatting with same old friends, in short, following the same old damn routine… all these factors made today more fun than it would have been otherwise.

it was open house in the hostel, ‘informals‘ being the preferred name.this being my last semester here i had considered inviting some friends over but ultimately decided against it.this day would have passed like any other, without anything to write home about had it not been for stef (she’s a french born swiss national who’s here as an exchange student). she had invited four of her friends over including octa’s firang crush floe ( cho chweet n cute he is).

ordinarily i wouldn’t have cared about joining the party but for octa.she was sleeping when i informed her about floe.and man, did she spring up or what on hearing about him.didn’t waste even a second in getting up and getting ready. mind you this is the same girl who is always lethargic and enthu-less wherever alacrity is the keyword.hmmm moving on….octa is not on talking terms with either stef or floe and is too shy to initiate a conversation herself. thus,yours truly was forced into giving her company. and there i was (in my pyjamas and chappal for god’s sake) trying to somehow get her talk to floe.

for quite a while we just observed them,not knowing how to approach. she was particularly apprehensive. after much ado i managed to get her along. i went up to stef and started a conversation. after some prodding we got all of them dancing to indian songs and in indian ishtyle. it was so much fun.first they copying us,then formulating new steps on their own.these movements were as varied as bollywood pelvic gyrations to swimming strokes.olivier especially was very pepped up and floe followed closely……then they entered a game and stef won.and boy, that was some bumps we showered on her.

our group was the centre of everyone’s attraction (even the caretaker remarked on our enthu and olivier’s dancing skills later in the night). soon people started joining us and the fun increased manifold. it was difficult to tell for how long we had been there.time just passed.it thus came as a shock when the house was declared close. there was nothing more left to do now than say goodbyes.

all in all it was an evening worth it. octa got to meet floe and talk to him. i and matty got a much needed break from a life quite un-happeing for some time now. xavier,olivier,floe and romeo got an experience of what indian dance party is like.earlier,numerous attempts of stef were not fruitful in convincing them to join the party.stef was relieved that her friends enjoyed.

ahoy firangs for their enthu….by the way,did i mention that olivier sang a few lines of ‘dhoom machale’……..

P.S.:this day made me realise something…..i’ll put it up in the next post

 

some things are not meant to be….

after four consecutive days of not attending a single class,today i woke up with full enthusiasm to attend all the classes.but some things are not meant to be.my BTP guide was in the worst mood ever and i could not afford to leave the lab without showing him some work,which translates into another F slot bunk….
after much proscrastination i got my act together thinking that let today be the lucky day when i start work on my BTP for this sem. but some things are not meant to be. the guide demanded that the lab inventory be updated and i was left doing it till past lunchtime…..
i was eagerly awaiting for this huge company,so that i could try my luck with placements.but some things are not meant to be.they prescribed a cgpa cut-off which i missed by a whisker….
after enormous cajoling i had persuaded a friend to start playing squash regularly with me.but some things are not meant to be.she pushed herself too hard the first day itself and today was in no condition to as much as lift her hand……
after trying so hard and going through so much of self denial,i had convinced myself of the non-availabilty of a guy i had a crush on and made myself strong enough to not to think too much about him.but some things are not meant to be.i hate to admit it but watching him showering his affection on another girl made me mad…..
finally,i wanted to keep away from instant messengers and net-surfing as far as possible .but some things are not meant to be…..no rational excuse here

 

crap crap crap

i was just listening to “affirmation” by Savage Garden when this thought crept into my mind……….
in a relationship, what does loyalty mean and how important is it?
does it mean sticking with the same person forever?
which is more important?…
a…monogamy
b…trust
to start with, let’s drop the crap about morality and ‘if you really love someone you won’t even think about anybody else’, blah blah….
really, what would you rather have? a person who says he loves you but doesn’t hesitate in getting his sexual desires fulfilled elsewhere occassionally; or a person who is monogamous but cann’t help fantasizing about others?…..going by the bookish description of love ( i cann’t comment on what love is owing to lack of experience in the field ), ‘if you really love someone, set him free.if he returns to you he loves you. if he does not,he never was’.but then,how many people can actually let go of all the negative emotions like jealousy, envy, greed,selfishness etc. while dealing with a matter as sensitive as this?
why go far.if i see myself in this kind of situation, i think even i won’t be able to get rid of an element of selfishness. it’s but human to strive to get the best of all the worlds. on one hand, you expect your partner’s inherent trust in you that you won’t go astray.on the other, at some small place in your mind, you yourself are sceptical about trusting your partner completely…
hmmm……..human beings are so hypocritical.

 

first hinglish post

pata nahi kya ho gaya hai..aajkal kahin mann sa nahi lagta. dheron kaam hai sar pe lekin phir bhi kuch kar nahi rahi hoon…
just feel like leaving everything n running off to a distant place. kinda escapist attitude i knw but can’t help it. im totally into dormancy, doing absolutely nothing. have hardly attended ne classes. kumbhkaran ki tarah soti hoon. brkfast missed..lunch gone…get up just in time for tea n snacks.bas fir dinner, gappe aur din khatam.
upar se majors aur kareeb aa rahe hain…kuch nahi padha is baar (
hey bhagwaan……bachao plz.i dont wanna stay here for another yr…bas degree time pe complete ho jaye aur kuch nahi chahiye.

 

the balancing act

i have the best of friends…each one of then almost perfect. but if there was one thing i could change about them,that would be that they become good friends of one another too(at present, only two of them are). atleast i won’t have to do the balancing act all the time.
at times when we’re together, one can feel and virtually see the tension in the air.and since all of them are my very good friends and i cannot afford to lose any of them,many of the times i am left trying to smoothen out the differences and ensuring that there is no spat.it’s not so bad as long we’re having fun,but the situation becomes grave when we start discussing some issue.that’s when the differences come out in the open. for me,it’s like walking the tightrope then. you’ve gotta maintain the perfect balance.can’t throw weight on either side,can’t favor or criticise anybody.
i don’t get it.i mean all of them are grown ups now.they behave so mature one-on-one with me.but as soon as the third person comes in,it gets all topsy turvy.they hide stuff from each other asking me not to tell it to the others.it’s hard to believe that even within just the six of us,more than half dont know that one of us even has a boyfriend or about another’s crush or another’s proposals and stuff like that.when we’re in group,i feel like sort of a storehouse of dark secrets just waiting to burst out any time.sometimes,another friend’s funda sounds so friendly…if two good friends share a secret and they have a third good friend,then shouldn’t all three of them know all about each…at the same time,i know i can’t let their trust in me down.
sigh…..it’s not easy to keep secrets……sigh sigh!!!

 

random scribblings

it’s been a long time…my mind has been a royal mess.full of arbitrary thoughts and confusions and dilemmas and utter mayhem.

situation 1: you are given a task to complete and a deadline to do so.you are aware of its imminence but still you don’t make even an inch of a progress fearing that the result might not be desirable.you keep dillydallying to postpone it as much as you can,always in a fix as to whether to do it and get it over with or avoid knowing the result for as long as you can.

situation 2:ever faced a situation where you had to choose between what seemed good and what is thought of as good by the people? who do you listen to then,the heart or the mind.tough to make a decision huh?….but imagine knowing what is good,which even feels good but the people want you to do the opposite.what do you do then?how much do you resist…do you ultimately give in? coz if you do what the people want you to,who’s there to judge you or punish you?except only you perhaps?isn’t it worse?

situation3:you know something about one of your best friends which is important for her to know but it might break her heart.again…should you tell her?and if yes,how to break the news?